If you didn’t watch the president’s State of the Union speech last night, well, where the hell were you? I know: a lot of people think the SOU is politics at its worst, all ceremony and symbolism (the jumping up and sitting down, the endless procession in and out) but after the year Obama had, weren’t you even curious what he might say, or how he might say it?

Often the president at this treacherous juncture is reduced to the style of a husband apologizing to his wife after a weekend of fishing with the guys (or whatever they’re calling it now): “I’m gonna fix the roof! And mow that lawn! And we’ll go out Saturday night, hire a babysitter! And hasn’t it been a while since we’ve seen your mother?” Big finish, followed by make-up sex — or more likely, slow ironic clapping or worse: a steely stare, a shrug, silence.

The Republicans had plenty of the latter for Obama. He even joked about it, bless him, saying, “I thought I’d get some applause on that one” when he mentioned tax cuts and the GOP side did its impression of a bunch of wooden Indians. That kind of partisan silence was not surprising — what, you thought they were going to lay down their arms, or opposition, especially in light of having just elected another senator? Now that they can truly prevent anything from happening if they remain united in opposition?

No, the most amazing quiet — the kind where you can hear a pin drop, where the only sound of in the chamber was that of the president dropping his hands on the podium — came late in the speech: “I campaigned on the promise of change — change we can believe in, the slogan went. And right now, I know there are many Americans who aren’t sure if they still believe we can change — or that I can deliver it.”

First of all, it’s hard to remember a president inviting so much criticism — and with the Republicans in lockstep against him, who needs an invite? But to be self-critical without being dismissive, to acknowledge that you may have promised more than you delivered, without reneging on the promises, is more than skillful politics.

“Our administration has had some political setbacks this year and some of them were deserved,” he continued. “But I wake up every day knowing that they are nothing compared to the setbacks that families all across this country have faced this year. And what keeps me going — what keeps me fighting — is that despite all these setbacks, that spirit of determination and optimism, that fundamental decency that has always been at the core of the American people, that lives on.”

The silence you heard may have been truly nonpartisan: the amazement that greets anyone when they try to be truly honest, and even humble in the face of the responsibilities that come with political office.