My definition of the optimist is the Mr. Softee man who patrols our neighborhood in his ice cream truck, playing his maddening jingle and hoping for customers at the first sign of spring — despite the snow flakes that have been appearing like radioctive waste in NY the last couple days. (My daughter said they reminded her of the days after 9.11, ashes falling from clear blue sky.) He’s out there now, combing the streets of Brooklyn, blowing on his hands as he tries to move some Sponge Bob-sicles.

Our president coined the new term for an optimist when, speaking to Juan Willliams on NPR, he called Cheney “a person reflecting a half-glass-full mentality” because of his outlook on Iraq. Even long-time Bush watchers, who count on his malapropisms the way Van Halen fans count on Eddie’s trips to rehab, were stunned. An easy lay-up and he blew it!

But listen to the link above: Was he unaware he was getting it wrong, as he did when he tried to define “dissembling” to the press corps, or was he actually, uh, dissembling as when he said, pre-invasion, “there are no war plans on my desk”? I suggest it was neither. Note the way Bush emphasizes the expression, with evident self-satisfaction. I put it to you that he is creating a new paradigm, a new language if you will, and we are all trying to decipher it.

At least I think it’s him doing it. After seeing those pictures of Cheney lurking behind the hedges, watching W at his last Rose Garden press coference, I once again wondered if this was a clear and simple case of mind control, provided that you need two minds to play that game.

Half glass full. Come on, say it with me. It has a certain je ne sais quoi, a kind of rock and roll logic, like “I am just a jeepster for your love,” or “It balances on your head just like a mattress balances on a bottle of wine.” Dig the sounds George is laying down. And give that man a Sponge Bob-sicle.